Been listening to some kick ass music in the old apartment lately...
1- First is a song called wind by akeboshi... Its one helluva song... Cory, brian, and i just like is so damn much....
You will hate youwself in de end.
2- May the horse be with you, by reliant k of all things...
Dunno.. this song just gets me... lol
anyway i was bored so i felt like posting..... >.> bye.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Poker Update
Well, due to me going sorta crazy for a while... I quit poker... i've started back...
In the past day ive been on what cory is calling a "helluva heater" *shrug* i just thought i was that damn good... hehe, nah...
anyway heres the info
ive played 1- 50 person sng- got 2nd
played 2-30 person ones- got 2nd in one
played 3-20 person ive won 1 so far, and im currently playing one of those... if things go as they have been.. ill get second.. well... just as i spoke the 3rd guy went out.. so now its down to 2...
WOOOTTTTT!!!! just had one hell of a heads up match... like 5 minutes passed since i wrote that line above...
just won another 40 bucks...
WOOOT!!!!
In the past day ive been on what cory is calling a "helluva heater" *shrug* i just thought i was that damn good... hehe, nah...
anyway heres the info
ive played 1- 50 person sng- got 2nd
played 2-30 person ones- got 2nd in one
played 3-20 person ive won 1 so far, and im currently playing one of those... if things go as they have been.. ill get second.. well... just as i spoke the 3rd guy went out.. so now its down to 2...
WOOOTTTTT!!!! just had one hell of a heads up match... like 5 minutes passed since i wrote that line above...
just won another 40 bucks...
WOOOT!!!!
Friday, April 14, 2006
OMG!!!
You ever had the complete and utter shit scared out of you? I mean not the kind where you almost get in a car wreck, and then sigh a breath of relief.. But think you are about to be consumed by the first blasts of world war 3? I just experienced that... heres the story..
Im standing outside smoking with this guy, and all of a sudden... FWOOM!
An explosions rips through the area nearby. Both me and the guy duck, thinking we are about to blow up or something. I come up a second later and ask, "Was that thunder??" A quiver in my voice obvious. The guy tosses a wild eyed look at me, and looks around for other people, no one else is near.
"I don't think so..." he begins, and begins pacing around not knowing what to do. Then, another explosion, followed closely by a few more. Im standing their, about to shit myself, my pulse racing thinking world war 3 is starting... I just wanna run inside, and hide under the stairs...
Me and him are both really wary at this point, looking around, personally i was looking for smoke, fire, and burning buildings on the horizon i guess... Some evidence to back up what i think is going on. Suddenly the guy says "Wait here..." and runs ahead, up the parking lot drive way, and half way around andy holt. I can't decide whether to run and hide or follow him, so i stay where i am, smoking my cigarette like there aint no tomorrow.
"*&^%*#orks!!" he screams at me, i cant hear the beginning as another half dozen explosions rip through the area, shaking the buildings, at least it seems to to me. He walks back towards me and repeats himself, "Its fireworks!" he says, relief evident upon his voice.
At that moment, i breathe the greatest sigh of relief i have ever had, smoke exhaled through my lungs, symbolizing the pent up fear being released almost. "That scared the shit out of me..." i say to the guy...
"Yeah..." he says as he grabs his books, shakes his head, and goes inside the apartment. I stand out their for a few more seconds, not having actually seen the fireworks i still hold a little reservations, thinking he might have been wrong... I come in a few seconds later, and see him with his head placed at the window looking out. He sees me and motions me over, and i am finally fully absolved of my fears as indeed, i look out the window and see fireworks in the distance...
That said.. jesus christ.. yall just cant understand what i was feeling for a few moments there.. I seriously expected those moments to be my last, and let me tell you, my life didn't flash before my eyes... No higher wisdom was imparted to me, no none of that... Just a fierce and gripping cold wrapping itself around my heart....
Happy to still be alive-
rem out!
Im standing outside smoking with this guy, and all of a sudden... FWOOM!
An explosions rips through the area nearby. Both me and the guy duck, thinking we are about to blow up or something. I come up a second later and ask, "Was that thunder??" A quiver in my voice obvious. The guy tosses a wild eyed look at me, and looks around for other people, no one else is near.
"I don't think so..." he begins, and begins pacing around not knowing what to do. Then, another explosion, followed closely by a few more. Im standing their, about to shit myself, my pulse racing thinking world war 3 is starting... I just wanna run inside, and hide under the stairs...
Me and him are both really wary at this point, looking around, personally i was looking for smoke, fire, and burning buildings on the horizon i guess... Some evidence to back up what i think is going on. Suddenly the guy says "Wait here..." and runs ahead, up the parking lot drive way, and half way around andy holt. I can't decide whether to run and hide or follow him, so i stay where i am, smoking my cigarette like there aint no tomorrow.
"*&^%*#orks!!" he screams at me, i cant hear the beginning as another half dozen explosions rip through the area, shaking the buildings, at least it seems to to me. He walks back towards me and repeats himself, "Its fireworks!" he says, relief evident upon his voice.
At that moment, i breathe the greatest sigh of relief i have ever had, smoke exhaled through my lungs, symbolizing the pent up fear being released almost. "That scared the shit out of me..." i say to the guy...
"Yeah..." he says as he grabs his books, shakes his head, and goes inside the apartment. I stand out their for a few more seconds, not having actually seen the fireworks i still hold a little reservations, thinking he might have been wrong... I come in a few seconds later, and see him with his head placed at the window looking out. He sees me and motions me over, and i am finally fully absolved of my fears as indeed, i look out the window and see fireworks in the distance...
That said.. jesus christ.. yall just cant understand what i was feeling for a few moments there.. I seriously expected those moments to be my last, and let me tell you, my life didn't flash before my eyes... No higher wisdom was imparted to me, no none of that... Just a fierce and gripping cold wrapping itself around my heart....
Happy to still be alive-
rem out!
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Little Shugga: Alternate History.
Foreword: This will be written in common, so as not to confuse you poor saps who do not speak draconic. It has been translated by a man who was more concerned with grammer than the actual syntax and voice of the original writer, so just remember that these experiences and words originally came from a 2 and a half foot kobold, red, with scaley bumps and 2 horns adorned upon his head. He was raised as... actually, i will let him tell you.........
Shugga, little shugga, i am he, that is me. I am called by other things, mostly unsayable in nice people places. I am a bard, it is what i do and i try hard to sing my songs, to sing the rights, and wrongs, of heroes and villians. I was birthed, hatched, created in a place no longer important to the world, passed on, gone, long gone, from when i was a pup-kobold.
Shugga, little shugga, i am he, that is me. I am called by other things, mostly unsayable in nice people places. I am a bard, it is what i do and i try hard to sing my songs, to sing the rights, and wrongs, of heroes and villians. I was birthed, hatched, created in a place no longer important to the world, passed on, gone, long gone, from when i was a pup-kobold.
A little calmed....
Sometimes i just get so pissed at the way my life is going... I say and do things, stupidly, in the heat of my mind that is just... well...i dunno...
I got this feeling that those moments are the only times i am feeling excactly what i want to feel... What i really feel... I dunno...
I'm a very exciteable person. When you get to know me i may seem a bit detached, possibly even shy, hell i may be. I dont consider myself shy, i dunno what i consider myself... Im just not the type to usually make first contact with ppl. usually, their are times when im smoking ill ask to bum a lighter cuz ive broken 2 more lighters that day, and just keep pushing til im having a conversation with the guy, or gal...
Remember a girl last week... I asked for a lighter, and she only had matches, i lit my cig. and asked her why.. We got into this discussion that lasted for a while about airport security, how classes are going, etc... It was fun... No matter what i say, i like ppl...
Im known to say i hate ppl and the world and shit, but truth be told.. Aint nothing much more beautiful to me than going up to hss, turning just right so i cant see the buildings, just the trees, and seeing all the ppl scurrying around, going about their business and etc...
I dunno... their are levels to old remrow that even i dont understand.... ill make a list.... lol
1- facade- the person i try to put off to ppl, strangers and the like... I try to act cool and detached, probably fail miserably. If you see me smoking my cigarette with style or walking a different way than normal, im in this stage...
2- Laid back... i call this me "remrow" this is me sitting at the computer, bouncing around as i listen to music, singing along mebe, and just annoying the fuck outta my roommate... This is me in the best of moods.
3- Pissed... See me playing counterstrike? halo? etc... just stay away... when playing video games i kinda sink into this hate filled persona... the word fuck, shit,, fuck fuck, and mother fuckin fuck fuck, as well as [insert name] YOUR MOTHER IS A WHORE! seem to explode from my mouth alot... Dont get me wrong, i love video games, but i love winning more, and when im not winning, im not happy...
4- melancholic.. this is the me who goes off rants sometimes, like the last post... Ill start telling my life story and shit talk about my childhood and etc... God knows why, my childhood wasn't that great anyway... lol... this is me when i talk about college and life being bullshit, or if i randomly just leave the room to go smoke... or take a walk.. thats me... It happens less these days, ive gotten over most of the problems i had with college life from last year, when i was depressed alot... These days i just get pissed, and it turns into melancholy when i realize im going to be a failure...
5- Hyper... Certain things throw me into this mood... not like food and stuff, but like... stuff... ill give you an example.. poker... cory knows what im talking about, back when i played poker every day for hours a day i would get into this weird mood where i would just spout out random bullshit, say some dumb damn things, get up and jump around randomly.. think any 6 year old kid youve seen, crawling under chairs and shit... except i dont crawl under chairs.. ill randomly get to my feet and pace... etc... weird...
Anyway i started this post gonna talk about something else, and i spoke of myself.. get over it.. ITS MY BLOG YOU SELFISH BASTARD!!!
MWUHAHAHHHAHAHAAH!
I got this feeling that those moments are the only times i am feeling excactly what i want to feel... What i really feel... I dunno...
I'm a very exciteable person. When you get to know me i may seem a bit detached, possibly even shy, hell i may be. I dont consider myself shy, i dunno what i consider myself... Im just not the type to usually make first contact with ppl. usually, their are times when im smoking ill ask to bum a lighter cuz ive broken 2 more lighters that day, and just keep pushing til im having a conversation with the guy, or gal...
Remember a girl last week... I asked for a lighter, and she only had matches, i lit my cig. and asked her why.. We got into this discussion that lasted for a while about airport security, how classes are going, etc... It was fun... No matter what i say, i like ppl...
Im known to say i hate ppl and the world and shit, but truth be told.. Aint nothing much more beautiful to me than going up to hss, turning just right so i cant see the buildings, just the trees, and seeing all the ppl scurrying around, going about their business and etc...
I dunno... their are levels to old remrow that even i dont understand.... ill make a list.... lol
1- facade- the person i try to put off to ppl, strangers and the like... I try to act cool and detached, probably fail miserably. If you see me smoking my cigarette with style or walking a different way than normal, im in this stage...
2- Laid back... i call this me "remrow" this is me sitting at the computer, bouncing around as i listen to music, singing along mebe, and just annoying the fuck outta my roommate... This is me in the best of moods.
3- Pissed... See me playing counterstrike? halo? etc... just stay away... when playing video games i kinda sink into this hate filled persona... the word fuck, shit,, fuck fuck, and mother fuckin fuck fuck, as well as [insert name] YOUR MOTHER IS A WHORE! seem to explode from my mouth alot... Dont get me wrong, i love video games, but i love winning more, and when im not winning, im not happy...
4- melancholic.. this is the me who goes off rants sometimes, like the last post... Ill start telling my life story and shit talk about my childhood and etc... God knows why, my childhood wasn't that great anyway... lol... this is me when i talk about college and life being bullshit, or if i randomly just leave the room to go smoke... or take a walk.. thats me... It happens less these days, ive gotten over most of the problems i had with college life from last year, when i was depressed alot... These days i just get pissed, and it turns into melancholy when i realize im going to be a failure...
5- Hyper... Certain things throw me into this mood... not like food and stuff, but like... stuff... ill give you an example.. poker... cory knows what im talking about, back when i played poker every day for hours a day i would get into this weird mood where i would just spout out random bullshit, say some dumb damn things, get up and jump around randomly.. think any 6 year old kid youve seen, crawling under chairs and shit... except i dont crawl under chairs.. ill randomly get to my feet and pace... etc... weird...
Anyway i started this post gonna talk about something else, and i spoke of myself.. get over it.. ITS MY BLOG YOU SELFISH BASTARD!!!
MWUHAHAHHHAHAHAAH!
Monday, April 10, 2006
Life... choices....
Well... ive been in college almost 2 years, and its becomingless and less likely that i will be here for a 3rd.
Truth time...
Im the one who fucked up, sure, ill admit that. Not going to class, procrastinating on course work, and simple apathy have all lead me to this point.
2- I don't like college, i like the college life sure, but i am tired of the monotony of institutionalized education. Look, i am 20 years old and have been in school for 16 of those, thats bullshit. Im fuckin sick and tired of this life, im ready to move on...
2.b- Ready to move on... I doubt that entails traveling the world and seeing things, doing exotic things... Probably simply applies to getting a 9-5 job at kroger or some shit and experiencing the same feelings of loathing and melodrama.... But whatever
3-What dreams may come? I have things i want to do, that i COULD be doing in college, but amidst the distractions and the apathy, i can't seem to bring myself to go about it...
-------------------------
Dunno what that list was about, but now its rant time...
Look, its like this. People are lead to believe that college is the only way to make it in this world, and truthfully i was deluded by that sentiment for the longest time. Now i realize different. I look at my own life first. When i got here i had dreams of getting a degree in political science and such, now i ask myself why? I thought i'd become a world politik, significant to something or other... WHY?! i can no longer grasp the sensation or motivation that once drove me through life...
As ive gone through these 2 years of hellish apathy, my dreams, true dreams, dreams from years ago... Dreams i put away under stress from parents and advisors that they werent applicable dreams.. Dreams that died, giving way to me want to become a fuckin politician. I realize now, i hate politics... I do... Fuck it all...
My new/old dreams that have resurfaces include writing, programming, singing, and stand up. I have waking dreams all the time of my just standing on a stage, doing stand up comedy, or singing, although i know that those dreams aren't very probable... I cant sing, and my jokes are usually funny to an in crowd of people who know what the hell im talking about half the time....
I want to write books, always did. I use to write short stories and poetry in high school, yeah i was one of THOSE types. And i miss that. Sure my artistic flair back then was overblown by arrogance, but at least i was doing something i loved, even if it was horrible...
Programming... Maybe everyone knows brian hardy, or more probable, he's one of 2 ppl who will actually read this... lol... Mr. hardy came to college wanting to spend his time learning how to program video games and such... Know what they got him doing? Programming a "wait in line at the bank" simulation for his cs class... Shit like that just blows my mind when theirs just so many damned viable alternatives which would actually be.... well.... the opposite of stabbing your self in the brain numb....
Anyway, before i even got in college i was disenfranchised with the programming/cs field. Found out math was a big part of it, and out of self- preservation i dropped cs from my reperatoire, cuz i will fail a math class, hands down. I silently put my dreams away of creating the next halo game... Of writing these master plots, and then using my own 2 hands to bring to life what was in my own damn mind.... I gave up...
Recently however, i've found alternatives to institutionalized programming to get me on that path, and if i keep the faith, and the motivation, i might actually be able to do something WORTH something in this world...
I find it funny that between me and my 2 roommates, one of us dropped cs before we got in college, one dropped it after a few semesters of college, and the third is toying with the idea of dropping it.... And this is going to a university with one of the best cs programs around, eh?
Anyway... i dunno... My parents are gonna be pissed to no end at me if i manage to fail out of college. Truth be told, i only slightly care. I mean, i got to college on my own merits, didn't borrow or take any of my parents money, not that they have any, to pay for college... I figure my choices, at this point, are my own damned perogative... Sorry mom and dad... But yo baby boy has grown up, im my own damned man, with my own choices to make, pro or con, consequences be damned...
in closing
I WANT MY DREAMS BACK!!!
i miss the innocence of childhood and the belief that you can do anything if only you hold fast to those dreams... Perhaps thats where i went wrong... i let go...
Truth time...
Im the one who fucked up, sure, ill admit that. Not going to class, procrastinating on course work, and simple apathy have all lead me to this point.
2- I don't like college, i like the college life sure, but i am tired of the monotony of institutionalized education. Look, i am 20 years old and have been in school for 16 of those, thats bullshit. Im fuckin sick and tired of this life, im ready to move on...
2.b- Ready to move on... I doubt that entails traveling the world and seeing things, doing exotic things... Probably simply applies to getting a 9-5 job at kroger or some shit and experiencing the same feelings of loathing and melodrama.... But whatever
3-What dreams may come? I have things i want to do, that i COULD be doing in college, but amidst the distractions and the apathy, i can't seem to bring myself to go about it...
-------------------------
Dunno what that list was about, but now its rant time...
Look, its like this. People are lead to believe that college is the only way to make it in this world, and truthfully i was deluded by that sentiment for the longest time. Now i realize different. I look at my own life first. When i got here i had dreams of getting a degree in political science and such, now i ask myself why? I thought i'd become a world politik, significant to something or other... WHY?! i can no longer grasp the sensation or motivation that once drove me through life...
As ive gone through these 2 years of hellish apathy, my dreams, true dreams, dreams from years ago... Dreams i put away under stress from parents and advisors that they werent applicable dreams.. Dreams that died, giving way to me want to become a fuckin politician. I realize now, i hate politics... I do... Fuck it all...
My new/old dreams that have resurfaces include writing, programming, singing, and stand up. I have waking dreams all the time of my just standing on a stage, doing stand up comedy, or singing, although i know that those dreams aren't very probable... I cant sing, and my jokes are usually funny to an in crowd of people who know what the hell im talking about half the time....
I want to write books, always did. I use to write short stories and poetry in high school, yeah i was one of THOSE types. And i miss that. Sure my artistic flair back then was overblown by arrogance, but at least i was doing something i loved, even if it was horrible...
Programming... Maybe everyone knows brian hardy, or more probable, he's one of 2 ppl who will actually read this... lol... Mr. hardy came to college wanting to spend his time learning how to program video games and such... Know what they got him doing? Programming a "wait in line at the bank" simulation for his cs class... Shit like that just blows my mind when theirs just so many damned viable alternatives which would actually be.... well.... the opposite of stabbing your self in the brain numb....
Anyway, before i even got in college i was disenfranchised with the programming/cs field. Found out math was a big part of it, and out of self- preservation i dropped cs from my reperatoire, cuz i will fail a math class, hands down. I silently put my dreams away of creating the next halo game... Of writing these master plots, and then using my own 2 hands to bring to life what was in my own damn mind.... I gave up...
Recently however, i've found alternatives to institutionalized programming to get me on that path, and if i keep the faith, and the motivation, i might actually be able to do something WORTH something in this world...
I find it funny that between me and my 2 roommates, one of us dropped cs before we got in college, one dropped it after a few semesters of college, and the third is toying with the idea of dropping it.... And this is going to a university with one of the best cs programs around, eh?
Anyway... i dunno... My parents are gonna be pissed to no end at me if i manage to fail out of college. Truth be told, i only slightly care. I mean, i got to college on my own merits, didn't borrow or take any of my parents money, not that they have any, to pay for college... I figure my choices, at this point, are my own damned perogative... Sorry mom and dad... But yo baby boy has grown up, im my own damned man, with my own choices to make, pro or con, consequences be damned...
in closing
I WANT MY DREAMS BACK!!!
i miss the innocence of childhood and the belief that you can do anything if only you hold fast to those dreams... Perhaps thats where i went wrong... i let go...
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