Depressed and Inspired..

I just finished reading "A Scanner Darkly" a book by Philip K. Dick. I just wanna say right now that PKD is my favorite author, and has been for years.. I've never read a book of his that didn't instantly become ingrained into my soul...

That said.... Oh man... That book was just awesome. I mean, you read the first 200 pages, and then get to the real story. And yet, you don't want to accept what is going on. You have these feelings that something good will happen, that life is better than that, that something, anything will redeem the main character from the path he has walked...

But it doesn't... THe book ends in tragedy, not death or anything like that.. Well yes, in death. The death of a mind, of a soul. A person is destroyed in this novel who you grow to empathize and eventually sympathize with. Sure, he has his faults, and the major of those is drug addiction, but the mind of the character, not just the author, is so vibrant and explosive that when its degredation starts.. you just want to scream..

I read 275 pages of this book, and until page 210 i didn't know how Dick was going to pull a twist, like he always does... And he did, i just didn't realize it... But this was different.. Instead of a giant plot loop that makes the reader question everything he ever learned in kindergarten, this one was breakneck almost, and existence itself must be called into question as you read the last few heartbreaking chapters of this book... PKD is a scifi author.. but this book is humanitarian to the core...

I dont consider myself a wuss,, but i wanted to cry.. Simply because of the futility of the whole damned thing... It taught that you shouldn't condemn an addict, or a recovering addict, empathize and sypmathize... We as society have a bit of guilt to their troubles, and a duty to see things right...

The book closes with a postword by the author, basically PKD bleeds his heart to those who couldnt grasp his concept as the book ended. He makes a metaphor about children playing in the street, and connects it with drugs.. And i can understand exactly where he is coming from. I smoked weed, and it was sort of like that.. Doing something dangerous that you aren't suppose to... Sure, kids may get whacked off one by one by passing traffic, but the allure is still their.. And i don't know why...

The final thing dick writes, is a dedication to those he has known who have used and abused drugs, and makes a list, a fairly long list of friends for any person of people he has known and hung with who have died, had permanent brain damage, psychosis, and the etc.. Way too many ppl for one person to have known... It almost broke my heart....