I am now in my 3rd decade of life... let's hope this one is as good as it can be, eh?
Life is good, no matter what your brain tells ya, something i've come to understand in my years...
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Benjamin baby
Just made my first 100 in online poker... 10 dolla investment is now at 112.46..... ME SO HORNY!!!!!!
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
A Dark Love
Satire on Goth Love.
The Blackness fills my organ, my life forfeit
as breath draws death into myself.
Love forsakes me, my wants destroy me, the
Thing I desire is nothing but a lifeless lover.
My lips caress, needingly, the tip of my loves
Visage. Bleach white, my fingers draw forth
along the beauty’s length. I breathe in the
esscence I desire, my organ in question tightens.
Le Petite Morte, my life expediated
To finality, as I imbibe the loveless taste.
A filtered musk I draw forth within myself
And for a while am contented.
The organ I feel tighten, lung.
The Blackness, the love, nicotine flavored phlegm stick.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Saturday, February 11, 2006
PokerPokerPoker
Started this past week with 10 bucks in my bankroll.. Been playing sit n go's all week, and now im up to 63. I wanna hit 100 before i pull 50 out, and keep going. Hopefully my run of cards will keep like it is. Not that i believe in luck, i just know their are instances in which it is made impossible to win...
LET"S GET SOME CARDS PPL!!!
LET"S GET SOME CARDS PPL!!!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
A face.
Everyonce in a while i'll catch a glimpse of a man starring back at me. He just sits their, as if locked in a trance. Why does he never smile at me? Why does he always look forlorn, melancholic? Was it his childhood? Did he perchance suffer through it, his childish things and his childish ways pushed aside and put away under the strain of an unfostering environment? Perhaps he was scarred in love, and that wound transferred over to all things HE is. What does he want when he looks at me? What does he expect? I am no god, yet he stares only at me, as if i was the only thing that made his existence validated. Dear god, i hope i don't look the same way to him. But we sit their, starring at each other,noting the facial features of each other, not truly seeing them, but noting some familiarity, as if the other's visage should mean something to the other... Why?
We are strangers he and I, yet day after day we catch sight of each other, usually in passing, but at other times prolonged. Doesn't matter the time of day, or the duration of our passing glances, he always looks the same. Never does surprise register on his face, neither sadness nor joy. Just a blank look, as if nothing matters to him. Why? He should care for something, should interest him self in something other than me. God knows i'm not the answer to any prayers he speaks at night, i know, above any else, that i shouldn't be the messiah to another's cause. But their he is, his face expectant, though resigned. Almost as if he hopes i will do something, lash out against the world for him, save him somehow. But i am no God. I am hardly human.
Seeing him, day after day, time after time, has actually taken a toll on me. Each time i become a slight bit less caring for him, a little less interested in him at all really. But still he stares. Perhaps one day i shall do something, do something that shall cause his gaze to turn away. Perhaps i shall embaress him to the point where he simply stops looking at me, refuses my existence wholly. Or perhaps i shall do the opposite, perhaps my actions will bring a witted grin to his face, a knowing smile that tells me "i knew all along man." but probably not. No, im pretty sure that if i were to live another hundred years i would still his face, perhaps a little blurred though, as my sight goes. And that even through those hundred years his gaze shall not change. Perhaps lines may dot his face, the bags 'neath his eyes grow weary, tired of waiting for me, but unable to do anything else. I AM NOT HIS GOD!! WHY must he gaze so at me?
I've asked him to stop, hundreds, probably a thousand times. I've asked him to go on, to move along, to leave me be. But no, his gaze is unmoving, his effort determined... "GET LOST! FUCK OFF!" I scream from my chair as i see him across the apartment. Why is he here anyway? He doesn't pay the rent, doesn't do anything that i see, other than see me. What is he doing when i don't see him i wonder, but i can not tell, for almost immediately when i think of him, he is their, peering at me with that listless gaze. Others can see him, i know that. But its as if he doesn't see them, at least i've never seen him remove his gaze from me for even a millisecond, not even to notice someone walking in the door. I am always the first to look away, and the last to look back. It's a game to him, i know it...
I wish he would die sometimes. Violence isn't my way, but perhaps something unfortunate would simply relieve me of his incessant stare. If only. He probably looks both ways, twice, when crossing the street; takes careful determination to chew his food when he eats, drives like a grandmother, all so he never chances losing the enjoyment, the perverse pleasure he draws from being able to gaze upon me. Fuck Him.. Does he even walk the streets? eat? or drive? Hell, i wouldn't even know. The bastard is always their just looking at me, does he have time? When does he sleep? When i sleep? Most likely not, because i've seen him before, 3 am as i walk towards the bathroom to take a piss, standing their, looking back at me with that same GOD DAMNED unmoving, uncaring, melancholic look on his face... Fuck...
I've had enough of his voyeurism... I'll smash every damned mirror in my car, break every damn one in my apartment... That'll stop him, but i know it wont.. When i use the restroom in public, he'll still be their. When i go out to eat, i'll catch sight of him as i pass the buffet... WITH THAT SAME GOD DAMNED LOOK ON HIS FACE!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM!!!
...
Fuck...
We are strangers he and I, yet day after day we catch sight of each other, usually in passing, but at other times prolonged. Doesn't matter the time of day, or the duration of our passing glances, he always looks the same. Never does surprise register on his face, neither sadness nor joy. Just a blank look, as if nothing matters to him. Why? He should care for something, should interest him self in something other than me. God knows i'm not the answer to any prayers he speaks at night, i know, above any else, that i shouldn't be the messiah to another's cause. But their he is, his face expectant, though resigned. Almost as if he hopes i will do something, lash out against the world for him, save him somehow. But i am no God. I am hardly human.
Seeing him, day after day, time after time, has actually taken a toll on me. Each time i become a slight bit less caring for him, a little less interested in him at all really. But still he stares. Perhaps one day i shall do something, do something that shall cause his gaze to turn away. Perhaps i shall embaress him to the point where he simply stops looking at me, refuses my existence wholly. Or perhaps i shall do the opposite, perhaps my actions will bring a witted grin to his face, a knowing smile that tells me "i knew all along man." but probably not. No, im pretty sure that if i were to live another hundred years i would still his face, perhaps a little blurred though, as my sight goes. And that even through those hundred years his gaze shall not change. Perhaps lines may dot his face, the bags 'neath his eyes grow weary, tired of waiting for me, but unable to do anything else. I AM NOT HIS GOD!! WHY must he gaze so at me?
I've asked him to stop, hundreds, probably a thousand times. I've asked him to go on, to move along, to leave me be. But no, his gaze is unmoving, his effort determined... "GET LOST! FUCK OFF!" I scream from my chair as i see him across the apartment. Why is he here anyway? He doesn't pay the rent, doesn't do anything that i see, other than see me. What is he doing when i don't see him i wonder, but i can not tell, for almost immediately when i think of him, he is their, peering at me with that listless gaze. Others can see him, i know that. But its as if he doesn't see them, at least i've never seen him remove his gaze from me for even a millisecond, not even to notice someone walking in the door. I am always the first to look away, and the last to look back. It's a game to him, i know it...
I wish he would die sometimes. Violence isn't my way, but perhaps something unfortunate would simply relieve me of his incessant stare. If only. He probably looks both ways, twice, when crossing the street; takes careful determination to chew his food when he eats, drives like a grandmother, all so he never chances losing the enjoyment, the perverse pleasure he draws from being able to gaze upon me. Fuck Him.. Does he even walk the streets? eat? or drive? Hell, i wouldn't even know. The bastard is always their just looking at me, does he have time? When does he sleep? When i sleep? Most likely not, because i've seen him before, 3 am as i walk towards the bathroom to take a piss, standing their, looking back at me with that same GOD DAMNED unmoving, uncaring, melancholic look on his face... Fuck...
I've had enough of his voyeurism... I'll smash every damned mirror in my car, break every damn one in my apartment... That'll stop him, but i know it wont.. When i use the restroom in public, he'll still be their. When i go out to eat, i'll catch sight of him as i pass the buffet... WITH THAT SAME GOD DAMNED LOOK ON HIS FACE!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM!!!
...
Fuck...
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Cory Vs Ms Vs the World... Poker to the max.. A donkeys tale...
Alright, so me and my roommate, a Mr. Cory Stephen Taylor by the way, his blog can be found to the right of this, as well as his leet ass website, which he hasn't updated with more kenny hate lately...
ANNNNYYWAY, so we go in together into a 5+1 buy in sit n go.. basically you buy into the tourney with the 5, and to keep the site from raking hands, they charge an extra dollar that they keep from each player.. So now.. we start the game, and im playing tight as hell, about 70% of my bankroll is up in this pot, considering i refuse to put more than 20 bucks into poker. So we start playing,, and right off the bat i know its going to be a good day. I take down a few minor hands, mostly picking up some blinds smelling weakness, yes i can actually smell weakness through the monitor btw...
Anyway, it comes up soon that i gots me a top pair, jacks, with top kicker, ace, about 15 hands in.. No one else is out yet.. Its the flop, i get raised.. i reraise, this fuck goes all in... I look at the board, see no flush, straight, or full possibility.. so im like wtf, i got em dominated.. and indeed, i did...
What would this fellow have btw? King 3... King fuckin 3... he had paired his 3 against a jack and a 7 out there.. So i took that foo's money.. easy as making cookies.. (Which is another story altogether)
Anyway, im chip leader at the table and it stays that way til their are about 6 ppl left out of the 10 we start with.. I got around 2600, cory has about 1700 and another dude has about 3200 after all but doubling up as he puts a guy out.. Down to 5 folks.. Cory takes another guy down momentarily, down to 4.. 1 more and we make themoney...
Im over here, refusing to play shit that god himself didn't tell me to... Which was not too damn much.. and then i hear it.. angels singing in my ears.. POCKET ROCKETS BABY WOOOOOOOT!!! I slow play the hell out of em, cuz i likes to do that.. I get raised, i call, i get raised again on the turn.. i think for a few seconds, making em think imma fold... and call... River comes.. i limp with a small bet, mebe 1.5x the bb... He reraises all in, a smile spreads warmly across my face as i realize this fuck THOUGHT he smelled me wanting to steal some chips.. I happily call, and he turns over a bluff... He needed the chips being the smallest stack on the table...
Anyway, we are now in the money.. at this point i cant leave with less than 2x what i bought in for... So we play and we play.. The guy asks us if we know each other, and me and cory are both like "HOLY SHIT!" as we remember our address for the site is listed as the exact same thing.. luckily only the city shows up, so we played it off.. Cory acts like an old dude, i act like a vol student... not much of an act.. GO VOLS!!!!
Anyway.. we play it off, and start gunning for each other a slight bit... Just a little to throw off suspicion.. Soon enough however, me and cory are up to about 4k a piece, and the last guy has about 2k... We milk him for a while longer, not colluding, we are just basically beating him... When he's big blind, im small blind, and i love the raise the small blind to steal the big.. Cory hates to lose the bb, so he raises and takes the guys small blind.. basically it just worked out decent how we were sitting...
The guy gets down to less than a 1k, and is looking for an all in.. He goes all in with ace 8, cory, having put the fuck on 1's calls with his pocket 2's.. Cory being the donkey ass he is catches his 2 on the river to make a set, which didn't really matter since the 2's beat him anyway....
ANNNYWAY,, guy goes out, decent guy, we were making jabs and stuff at each other but it was all good.. I wish him well... Me and cory are down to the wire, we play about 15 hands before we both catch a piece of something decent.. I limp into the hand with a jack something of diamonds and bamm the flop gives me a flush draw.. Cory is over there thinking his queens are alright with both the flush draw and a semipossible straight out there... I knew at that point that one of us was about to fuck up..
Personally i dont like playing a hand i dont know ive won,, just a little habit ive picked up along the way.. But cory is pushing... I didn't know quite what he had, figuring either a big pocket pair, or he caught top pair on the flop... He had a big pocket pair.. ladies..
I called of course and we go down to the wire.. all my money is in the pot at this point on one hell of a flush draw, a 10 would have also given me a straight, but i wasn't caring about that.. Turn comes and its an off card, helps neither of us.. We are both holding our breath right before the river comes, and as the smoke clears, im 2 hand pumping the air, jumping to my feet.. Cory is screaming fuck as he plops back down into his seat...
At this point the games all but over.. cory has like 20 bucks left.. i casually take that and the game is over...
Basically, i outplayed mister taylor for half of an hour of strong poker. We both brought our a games and we both cashed out in the green baby.... I of course took the most away, cuz i played the better game.
Cory baby.... I just outplayed ya... I just outplayed ya..
***EDIT*** as you all know i am a very serious poker player, and i in no way condone colluding or cheating in poker, cory and i did not help each other, and we in no way played to each others advantage. we didnt reveal whole cards, or anything else. except the one posted above, which everyone saw. gg everyone, and bg cheaters
ANNNNYYWAY, so we go in together into a 5+1 buy in sit n go.. basically you buy into the tourney with the 5, and to keep the site from raking hands, they charge an extra dollar that they keep from each player.. So now.. we start the game, and im playing tight as hell, about 70% of my bankroll is up in this pot, considering i refuse to put more than 20 bucks into poker. So we start playing,, and right off the bat i know its going to be a good day. I take down a few minor hands, mostly picking up some blinds smelling weakness, yes i can actually smell weakness through the monitor btw...
Anyway, it comes up soon that i gots me a top pair, jacks, with top kicker, ace, about 15 hands in.. No one else is out yet.. Its the flop, i get raised.. i reraise, this fuck goes all in... I look at the board, see no flush, straight, or full possibility.. so im like wtf, i got em dominated.. and indeed, i did...
What would this fellow have btw? King 3... King fuckin 3... he had paired his 3 against a jack and a 7 out there.. So i took that foo's money.. easy as making cookies.. (Which is another story altogether)
Anyway, im chip leader at the table and it stays that way til their are about 6 ppl left out of the 10 we start with.. I got around 2600, cory has about 1700 and another dude has about 3200 after all but doubling up as he puts a guy out.. Down to 5 folks.. Cory takes another guy down momentarily, down to 4.. 1 more and we make themoney...
Im over here, refusing to play shit that god himself didn't tell me to... Which was not too damn much.. and then i hear it.. angels singing in my ears.. POCKET ROCKETS BABY WOOOOOOOT!!! I slow play the hell out of em, cuz i likes to do that.. I get raised, i call, i get raised again on the turn.. i think for a few seconds, making em think imma fold... and call... River comes.. i limp with a small bet, mebe 1.5x the bb... He reraises all in, a smile spreads warmly across my face as i realize this fuck THOUGHT he smelled me wanting to steal some chips.. I happily call, and he turns over a bluff... He needed the chips being the smallest stack on the table...
Anyway, we are now in the money.. at this point i cant leave with less than 2x what i bought in for... So we play and we play.. The guy asks us if we know each other, and me and cory are both like "HOLY SHIT!" as we remember our address for the site is listed as the exact same thing.. luckily only the city shows up, so we played it off.. Cory acts like an old dude, i act like a vol student... not much of an act.. GO VOLS!!!!
Anyway.. we play it off, and start gunning for each other a slight bit... Just a little to throw off suspicion.. Soon enough however, me and cory are up to about 4k a piece, and the last guy has about 2k... We milk him for a while longer, not colluding, we are just basically beating him... When he's big blind, im small blind, and i love the raise the small blind to steal the big.. Cory hates to lose the bb, so he raises and takes the guys small blind.. basically it just worked out decent how we were sitting...
The guy gets down to less than a 1k, and is looking for an all in.. He goes all in with ace 8, cory, having put the fuck on 1's calls with his pocket 2's.. Cory being the donkey ass he is catches his 2 on the river to make a set, which didn't really matter since the 2's beat him anyway....
ANNNYWAY,, guy goes out, decent guy, we were making jabs and stuff at each other but it was all good.. I wish him well... Me and cory are down to the wire, we play about 15 hands before we both catch a piece of something decent.. I limp into the hand with a jack something of diamonds and bamm the flop gives me a flush draw.. Cory is over there thinking his queens are alright with both the flush draw and a semipossible straight out there... I knew at that point that one of us was about to fuck up..
Personally i dont like playing a hand i dont know ive won,, just a little habit ive picked up along the way.. But cory is pushing... I didn't know quite what he had, figuring either a big pocket pair, or he caught top pair on the flop... He had a big pocket pair.. ladies..
I called of course and we go down to the wire.. all my money is in the pot at this point on one hell of a flush draw, a 10 would have also given me a straight, but i wasn't caring about that.. Turn comes and its an off card, helps neither of us.. We are both holding our breath right before the river comes, and as the smoke clears, im 2 hand pumping the air, jumping to my feet.. Cory is screaming fuck as he plops back down into his seat...
At this point the games all but over.. cory has like 20 bucks left.. i casually take that and the game is over...
Basically, i outplayed mister taylor for half of an hour of strong poker. We both brought our a games and we both cashed out in the green baby.... I of course took the most away, cuz i played the better game.
Cory baby.... I just outplayed ya... I just outplayed ya..
***EDIT*** as you all know i am a very serious poker player, and i in no way condone colluding or cheating in poker, cory and i did not help each other, and we in no way played to each others advantage. we didnt reveal whole cards, or anything else. except the one posted above, which everyone saw. gg everyone, and bg cheaters
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Depressed and Inspired..
I just finished reading "A Scanner Darkly" a book by Philip K. Dick. I just wanna say right now that PKD is my favorite author, and has been for years.. I've never read a book of his that didn't instantly become ingrained into my soul...
That said.... Oh man... That book was just awesome. I mean, you read the first 200 pages, and then get to the real story. And yet, you don't want to accept what is going on. You have these feelings that something good will happen, that life is better than that, that something, anything will redeem the main character from the path he has walked...
But it doesn't... THe book ends in tragedy, not death or anything like that.. Well yes, in death. The death of a mind, of a soul. A person is destroyed in this novel who you grow to empathize and eventually sympathize with. Sure, he has his faults, and the major of those is drug addiction, but the mind of the character, not just the author, is so vibrant and explosive that when its degredation starts.. you just want to scream..
I read 275 pages of this book, and until page 210 i didn't know how Dick was going to pull a twist, like he always does... And he did, i just didn't realize it... But this was different.. Instead of a giant plot loop that makes the reader question everything he ever learned in kindergarten, this one was breakneck almost, and existence itself must be called into question as you read the last few heartbreaking chapters of this book... PKD is a scifi author.. but this book is humanitarian to the core...
I dont consider myself a wuss,, but i wanted to cry.. Simply because of the futility of the whole damned thing... It taught that you shouldn't condemn an addict, or a recovering addict, empathize and sypmathize... We as society have a bit of guilt to their troubles, and a duty to see things right...
The book closes with a postword by the author, basically PKD bleeds his heart to those who couldnt grasp his concept as the book ended. He makes a metaphor about children playing in the street, and connects it with drugs.. And i can understand exactly where he is coming from. I smoked weed, and it was sort of like that.. Doing something dangerous that you aren't suppose to... Sure, kids may get whacked off one by one by passing traffic, but the allure is still their.. And i don't know why...
The final thing dick writes, is a dedication to those he has known who have used and abused drugs, and makes a list, a fairly long list of friends for any person of people he has known and hung with who have died, had permanent brain damage, psychosis, and the etc.. Way too many ppl for one person to have known... It almost broke my heart....
That said.... Oh man... That book was just awesome. I mean, you read the first 200 pages, and then get to the real story. And yet, you don't want to accept what is going on. You have these feelings that something good will happen, that life is better than that, that something, anything will redeem the main character from the path he has walked...
But it doesn't... THe book ends in tragedy, not death or anything like that.. Well yes, in death. The death of a mind, of a soul. A person is destroyed in this novel who you grow to empathize and eventually sympathize with. Sure, he has his faults, and the major of those is drug addiction, but the mind of the character, not just the author, is so vibrant and explosive that when its degredation starts.. you just want to scream..
I read 275 pages of this book, and until page 210 i didn't know how Dick was going to pull a twist, like he always does... And he did, i just didn't realize it... But this was different.. Instead of a giant plot loop that makes the reader question everything he ever learned in kindergarten, this one was breakneck almost, and existence itself must be called into question as you read the last few heartbreaking chapters of this book... PKD is a scifi author.. but this book is humanitarian to the core...
I dont consider myself a wuss,, but i wanted to cry.. Simply because of the futility of the whole damned thing... It taught that you shouldn't condemn an addict, or a recovering addict, empathize and sypmathize... We as society have a bit of guilt to their troubles, and a duty to see things right...
The book closes with a postword by the author, basically PKD bleeds his heart to those who couldnt grasp his concept as the book ended. He makes a metaphor about children playing in the street, and connects it with drugs.. And i can understand exactly where he is coming from. I smoked weed, and it was sort of like that.. Doing something dangerous that you aren't suppose to... Sure, kids may get whacked off one by one by passing traffic, but the allure is still their.. And i don't know why...
The final thing dick writes, is a dedication to those he has known who have used and abused drugs, and makes a list, a fairly long list of friends for any person of people he has known and hung with who have died, had permanent brain damage, psychosis, and the etc.. Way too many ppl for one person to have known... It almost broke my heart....
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Funny LIttle Story..
So me and cory are at walmart, acting like jackasses...
We go to the restroom to take a leak, and as im finishing up i yell over "Hey, you wanna come shake me off?" to Cory, but not saying his name. Cory is in the stall about 6 feet over from my urinal. He waits a few seconds and finally says something like "Thats alright... obviosuly trying to hide his laughter.
I go to wash my hands a few seconds later, and he exits the stall and comes over and mouths to me "Their is someone else over their." I at this point almost burst out laughing, quickly dry my hands and out the bathroom door before i do however....
Cory said a guy was sitting at the stall beside him, pulling out some tp. As i yelled what i did, he freezes up for a second, and stops unrolling the paper.. Cory said he considered not saying anythign and seeing what the guy did... but decided not too..
That coulda turned out nasty.. hehe....
We go to the restroom to take a leak, and as im finishing up i yell over "Hey, you wanna come shake me off?" to Cory, but not saying his name. Cory is in the stall about 6 feet over from my urinal. He waits a few seconds and finally says something like "Thats alright... obviosuly trying to hide his laughter.
I go to wash my hands a few seconds later, and he exits the stall and comes over and mouths to me "Their is someone else over their." I at this point almost burst out laughing, quickly dry my hands and out the bathroom door before i do however....
Cory said a guy was sitting at the stall beside him, pulling out some tp. As i yelled what i did, he freezes up for a second, and stops unrolling the paper.. Cory said he considered not saying anythign and seeing what the guy did... but decided not too..
That coulda turned out nasty.. hehe....
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Quads once more, biotches.
I dunno.. seems they just love me's all... Only bad thing was i was screwing around in the .5/.10 cent rooms and only won like 3 bucks..
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