2 For 1

Decided to create another post for today, to make up for the missed ones recently..

Anyway, has anyone seen the movie Big Fish? I just watched that the other day, well, last night anyways... But man, was that thing good.. I started tearing up a bit.. Don't get me wrong, im not some panzy ass... I just don't have a great relationship with my father, and that movie sorta.... Well.. watch and you'll see...


Actually... me and my father have a weird relationship.. And since i will probably never meet any of you in real life, i'll outline how...

I remember being about 14 years old and such, amidst puberty, being angsty as hell, and in the throes of my first love... My father and i were always fighting back then, due in part to me actually growing some balls, figuratively... Up until that point i had been a decent son. I did what i was told, took my ass whippings when i deserved them, and put up with a lot of bullshit being the oldest...

As adolescence gripped me, i grew up, and started fighting back.. Me and my father got in several verbal arguements, and one time were all set to fight.. Really fight... The only reason it didn't go down was my mother was screaming like crazy, and said she was gonna call the cops on dad...

Anyway... skip ahead a few years.. Me and my father continually fight, my mom and dad continually fight.. My brother and father, being so alike, continually fight... I almost have to give a measure of pity for him at that point in our families life. He was always the bad guy, but he wasn't TOO bad of a guy. Sure, he was an asshole and financial you could call him a failure.. But he did what he did, was proud, and soldiered through it all..


Skip ahead.. My parents are now divorced.. And guess what, i actually chose to stay with my father.. Love didn't even come into the equation... Thing is, i was extremely selfish at that point in my life.. My 2 brothers and sister were both choosing to love with mom, and I, rationalized the situation.. If i too chose that option what would happen? I would be the oldest, and thus since mom had to work, my social life would die... Anything i wanted to do would be impossible as she would be working, and i would be forced to spend the rest of my adolescent years babysitting.... I couldn't do that, so i chose to live with dad.. Which was for good or bad... A weird situation...

Since mom left and moved back to kentucky, and the lease on the house was nulled or whatever, me and dad were forced to live in a RV on my uncles property for a while... Yes.. For a short stint i was homeless, sort of... Anyway, probably the best and worst thing to happen started soon after that... Dad met Venus, and next thing i know i spend all day every day alone except for about 10 minutes where dad came in, showered after work, and then left again to spend the day with venus at her place, or on a date or something... Sure, my dad threw some money at me every once in a while to spend, but basically, i spent the days alone, in an RV watching a 3 inch tv or reading books....

But then, dad and venus got serious, dad stopped even coming home at night to sleep at the rv. So yeah... I was alone almost all day every day, except for my aunt and uncle, who.. come on, they are an aunt and uncle.. Actually, they are my dads aunt and uncle, so they are my great aunt and uncle.. meaning they are like 40 years older than me.... So i stayed in the rv...

Then.. Dad and Venus got married, and again things changed.. They rented a trailer in a trailer park, and so their i was.. Upgraded from an RV to trailer trash.. Life goes on for a year or so like this... Until my brother moves down with me and dad and venus.. And that fucks everything up... I use to all but hate my siblings.. Now.. a little age, humility, and wisdom has broken me, and i accept them, for the most part.. They still piss me off... But hey, that's family....

Weird thing is... I managed to go months and months at a time without seeing my mom, truly my own choices too.. I don't know why.. Hell.. i've been in college 2 months now, and i just called mom for the first time last week... I doubt i'll call my dad before christmas, except to tell him when i'll be coming in.... Or maybe i'll just drive straight to mom's... I don't know...

Anyway... I started this post as a rationalizing over my father and i's relationship, but it turned into whatever the hell you just read...

At this point in time, me and my dad get alone, except for one fact.. Which i don't feel expressing... (Money related)...

Me and my mom.. well.. i have finally got to the point where i can say "i Love you" back to her on the phone.. I've never been able to do that... It was quite a break through...

i'm going to sign off and sink into a mixture of nostalgia and melancholy... I'll post again later...