No Delusions

I am not a great man, nor do i have any Delusions of Grandeur. As a matter of fact i may somewhat underestimate myself. Don't get me wrong, I have self respect, as much as i can. I've gotten where i am these days on my own merits, and i realize that. My parents weren't rich, and would have not been able to afford college for me in any shape or way. I got where i am through a reasonable work effort, and a shitload of financial aid, which i earned myself.

Why then do become depressed sometimes, thinking of myself as worthless. Why don't i give myself the chance to do things that should be, and probably are within my reach. Why do i go around with my head held down, attempting to pass under the radar, go unnoticed so as to avoid mocking and disregard.

Personally, i think i fear people. I would like to think of people as good and humane, but i have this deep-seated fear that no matter what i do, i wont be taken seriously, i wont earn the respect i should have, or obtain that which i want.

I want to go through this world as just any "normal" human being. I want to live my life, die, and in a few years be totally forgotten except for a last few vestiges of friends and family i have left. I don't necessarily want to be remembered for anything, do anything stupendous or ground breaking...

Hell, i don't want a hottie woman for a wife or anything like that.. I want a girl who'll have me.. Someone who would question me, but not disregard me.. Some one who could believe in me, but not accept everything about me...

I just want to be me, be allowed to think and do what i want. I don't want to have to constantly prove myself... I... just.... want to be accepted i guess is what im saying......

Love me people.. Just love me.. hehe

-Jeebus. Out.