i know that, eventually, someones gonna think 'i wonder if rem ever signed onto the internet' and look here. Who, i dunno. At the moment im just talking to myself and this computer, and thats fine.
Here's a couple things about myself i've realized lately, things no one else would probably see- if there were even ppl to see.
1- i don't smile as much anymore
2- i dont get as mad as much anymore either.
3- my head is held a little bit higher these days.
4- my mind a little bit clearer.
5- my regrets are fewer and fewer
6- while i have no one to physically interact with on a daily basis, im not as lonely as i use to be.
7- i have a pride in my heart that, i feel, can only be attained by walking through the fire and being burnt.
8- temptations aren't so tempting these days.
there are others, but i get my point.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Friday, June 01, 2007
recoup
yesterdays post was kida... grandiose and... i unno... im over it.
ive been on the net all day, getting in touch with old friends, and loving it. i miss the feel of a keyboard under my hand. lol.
anyway. i think im just gonna have to follow myself into the dark. if ya know what i mean, you dont... and i dont wanna explain my mood. sometimes i just miss the innocence i use to have.
i want to do 1 heroic thing before i die.
ive been on the net all day, getting in touch with old friends, and loving it. i miss the feel of a keyboard under my hand. lol.
anyway. i think im just gonna have to follow myself into the dark. if ya know what i mean, you dont... and i dont wanna explain my mood. sometimes i just miss the innocence i use to have.
i want to do 1 heroic thing before i die.
Life, the universe, and everthing.
yes, i just plaigerized that wonderful work,you all know who its by.
Anyway, small update. sorta.
I am now an official trucker.-got a t-shirt and a hat and everything.... oh yeah, got a truck too, lol.
got a haircut the other day, now my beard is twice as long as my hair.... i think it makes me look kinda amish, but a bad ass kind of leave no prisoners trucker amish. lol
Anyway. ill be returning to the land of the living, aka the cyber-verse, in about 4-5 days, got a 1500$ paycheck coming up and instead of paying bills imma get a laptop.
speaking of bills, more impotantly- college bills- and more importantly still-college.... i shall now rant a few moments
if you had told me in may '04 that in 3 years i would have been dropped out of college for a year, and be a trucker by this time '07 i would have called you a damn liar. i had dreams damn it, i had plans....
well, plans change, dreams become reality become life. im not gonna apologize for my life choices.... i smoked weed, i drank liquor, i played poker and counter strike all day and night for weeks on end, i refused to study, i didnt go to class..... i got myself into a positon where it was either drop out of college, or take out more loans than i was comfortable getting out.
i played dnd 3 times a week, played xbox and read philip dick all day... went to the wyrd meetings and hung out - high as fuck - with the frat boys.
i lived life for about 6 months- to a year like it was meant to be lived. foot loose and fancy free.... and my life turned upside down. i found yself working for 6.45 an hour 30 hours a week at fucking walmart. found myself in a depression sodeep that a bullet to the brain souunded like a good idea sometimes .
i found myself seperated from the ppl i had come - in a wayy- to love like brothers, and contact all but severed. and my 21st birthdayy was coming around. my father was telling me either to get a job -because i had long since quit walmart- or to move out....
so i did both. took out another loan to go to trucking school, skip ahead 4 months and here we are.
everyonce in a while ill get a bit depressed at the wway my life had turned out.... but then i realize... im living a life where im payed to drive across america all day. i love america, love it a little bit more each day the more i see of it. those utah mountains, the bears and moose and streams in montana, those blue skies of oregon, the trees of washington, tthe desert sands of arizona, and the great salt lake itself. i pass by the grad canyon and numerous other tourist landmarks on a daily basis. i carry the freight that keeps america alive... toilet paper, food, manufacturing goods.... all of it goes through me...
ive always wanted to be part of sommething, to be impotant... and though 99.9% of you ppl out there dont appreciate the lifestyle and sacrifice we truckers make.... its all worth itt.
this is one of the most unhealthy lfestyles in america... sitting all day with nothing more to do than smoke and eat... never getting to see family or friends...
personally, however, its doing good... its given my life discipline and a goal that ive always lacked... get from point a to b with no fucking around in between.... ive almost cut my smoking down to halfmy normal, ive lost 20 pounds, my eyes are clear and my mind is soothed.
through it all, theres been a group of guys who i owe a debt. the memory and the desire to get back to them has pushed me, at times. to the guys at legends- yall are like brothers, and especially to dmf- cant wait til i make it down to maryland.
not everyone i knew as friends have stayed beside me. there are those who, for whatever reason, have all but left my life. it saddens me in a way when i think of the memories and the fun we had in our day- and the complete lack of presence they have in the water-paint of my life these days.
oh well i guess, people move on, and i shall do the same, if i already havnt.
i have to apologize for the errors and such in my typing. im using a company terminal usually used to check payroll and such, i figured out how to hack it so as to get onto the actual internet, instead of the swift network. hehe...
Anyway, small update. sorta.
I am now an official trucker.-got a t-shirt and a hat and everything.... oh yeah, got a truck too, lol.
got a haircut the other day, now my beard is twice as long as my hair.... i think it makes me look kinda amish, but a bad ass kind of leave no prisoners trucker amish. lol
Anyway. ill be returning to the land of the living, aka the cyber-verse, in about 4-5 days, got a 1500$ paycheck coming up and instead of paying bills imma get a laptop.
speaking of bills, more impotantly- college bills- and more importantly still-college.... i shall now rant a few moments
if you had told me in may '04 that in 3 years i would have been dropped out of college for a year, and be a trucker by this time '07 i would have called you a damn liar. i had dreams damn it, i had plans....
well, plans change, dreams become reality become life. im not gonna apologize for my life choices.... i smoked weed, i drank liquor, i played poker and counter strike all day and night for weeks on end, i refused to study, i didnt go to class..... i got myself into a positon where it was either drop out of college, or take out more loans than i was comfortable getting out.
i played dnd 3 times a week, played xbox and read philip dick all day... went to the wyrd meetings and hung out - high as fuck - with the frat boys.
i lived life for about 6 months- to a year like it was meant to be lived. foot loose and fancy free.... and my life turned upside down. i found yself working for 6.45 an hour 30 hours a week at fucking walmart. found myself in a depression sodeep that a bullet to the brain souunded like a good idea sometimes .
i found myself seperated from the ppl i had come - in a wayy- to love like brothers, and contact all but severed. and my 21st birthdayy was coming around. my father was telling me either to get a job -because i had long since quit walmart- or to move out....
so i did both. took out another loan to go to trucking school, skip ahead 4 months and here we are.
everyonce in a while ill get a bit depressed at the wway my life had turned out.... but then i realize... im living a life where im payed to drive across america all day. i love america, love it a little bit more each day the more i see of it. those utah mountains, the bears and moose and streams in montana, those blue skies of oregon, the trees of washington, tthe desert sands of arizona, and the great salt lake itself. i pass by the grad canyon and numerous other tourist landmarks on a daily basis. i carry the freight that keeps america alive... toilet paper, food, manufacturing goods.... all of it goes through me...
ive always wanted to be part of sommething, to be impotant... and though 99.9% of you ppl out there dont appreciate the lifestyle and sacrifice we truckers make.... its all worth itt.
this is one of the most unhealthy lfestyles in america... sitting all day with nothing more to do than smoke and eat... never getting to see family or friends...
personally, however, its doing good... its given my life discipline and a goal that ive always lacked... get from point a to b with no fucking around in between.... ive almost cut my smoking down to halfmy normal, ive lost 20 pounds, my eyes are clear and my mind is soothed.
through it all, theres been a group of guys who i owe a debt. the memory and the desire to get back to them has pushed me, at times. to the guys at legends- yall are like brothers, and especially to dmf- cant wait til i make it down to maryland.
not everyone i knew as friends have stayed beside me. there are those who, for whatever reason, have all but left my life. it saddens me in a way when i think of the memories and the fun we had in our day- and the complete lack of presence they have in the water-paint of my life these days.
oh well i guess, people move on, and i shall do the same, if i already havnt.
i have to apologize for the errors and such in my typing. im using a company terminal usually used to check payroll and such, i figured out how to hack it so as to get onto the actual internet, instead of the swift network. hehe...
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